Keep Holding On
by The Next Author
Summary: Being the one to watch your brother be in a coma is difficult. But it is difficult to be on the other side of one, too. They both need to keep holding on.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is set after The Invasion when Leo was in his coma. The two songs are Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne and Run, Daddy, Run by Miranda Lambert. Run, Daddy, Run has been converted into my version to fit the story. Enjoy and thanks for reading.**

Keep Holding On

 _If I could hold you in my arms, I wouldn't have to_

 _Say goodbye. You know I don't like goodbyes, so don't_

 _Let it come from you. Please, don't let me go, because I certainly_

 _Won't let you leave. And keep breathing. Don't exhale a good-bye._

 _Just keep holding on. Promise to hold on…for me._

Leo's P.O.V.

I'm all alone. It's wrong that I am alone. I should see orange hugging me, purple with sparks and red screaming at me. Instead all I see is a wave of continuous darkness. It's like it has swallowed me.

I hear voices and struggle to them. They rarely speak to me. That almost makes me want to drown. But then one voice will start speaking to me and I will float so close to the surface but not above it. It's like a wall. I can hear the ones I love, but I can't see or respond. Where is Sensei? I know he would talk to me. Where is he? Why isn't he here with me…?

I'm sinking. I know I might not be coming back from this one. I know I'm dying, but in a way I can't die. Like somebody is keeping me here.

The darkness is growing so heavy. It's crushing me. I can't breathe…

"Leo."

A new voice jerks me to the surface. One I haven't heard in so long. April. She's talking to _me_.

"Leo, Donnie says you can hear me. I don't know if that is true but if you can hear me, know that we can't wait for you to wake up. So much has happened that you don't know about. That you need to know about. And Raph… he doesn't sleep. Nightmares plague him, Leo. Everyone is scared for you. But him most of all. He-"

"I didn't know you talked to him, April," Raphs voice intervenes. He sounds tired. I wish her would sleep.

"Hey, Raph. No, I usually don't talk to him but… I felt I needed to."

Raph grunts, and then says," Did he respond?"

"No."

There's an uncomfortable silence. I wish someone would speak.

Finally, April says," Raph, you okay?"

"Yeah," Raph sounds like he's choking," I just…yeah."

Aprils sigh is small. She says," Okay, Raph. See you later."

Raph sighs, too, as he drags something across the floor. By this point I've decided it's a chair, since he's done this so often.

Sometimes he talks, sometimes he doesn't. I know the others are okay because all he talks about are them. He never talks about himself or me.

But today seems full of surprises.

"Leo? Leo, come back. Leo, please. Open those eyes."

He's trying to wake me. But the wall still remains. I pound on that wall till I feel the sinking. Raph said _please_! I have to wake up for that.

"Leo, please. I can't…please. Wake up…" Raph sounds desperate now.

He's silent and I'm afraid that he's gone. Or that I am.

Then I feel it. The first thing I've felt in such a long time. And it makes my heart beat so hard it's painful.

Raph's hand is resting on my cheek, cupping it, rubbing his thumb over it. This is the gentlest thing I have felt from him. Ever.

His voice sounds broken and tearless," Leo… you've been out for two months."

 _Two months_!

Raph breathes hard as he speaks," You need to wake up. I know you can hear me." His hand caresses my cheek one last time ," Wake up, Leo. Please. Wake. UP!"

I want to so badly tell him I hear him, tell him that I love him and I'm trying as hard as I can. But I can't. The wall is crushing me, making sure I don't resurface.

Raph's hand leaves my face. I want to beg him to bring it back in fear that I'll never feel again.

But I do as he kisses my forehead and I actually feel embarrassed. I almost heat up. Then Raph says so quietly," I love you, Leo."

Then he's gone.

I've never wanted to cry so much in my life.

* * *

Raph's P.O.V.

I prefer being alone with Leo. I can talk to him freely. I sometimes almost tell him everything in my heart, even if he can't hear me.

But he has to hear me. Leo never tunes me out, even when I insult him.

I pleaded with him, though, and he still didn't wake up. What if he can't hear me? What if I'm just talking to an empty shell? That idea chokes me. I sincerely hope he can hear me.

The couch is dented from me sleeping on it. I don't like my room. It reminds me of home. And I don't want to think of home right now.

It takes me a while to get to sleep, since it is the middle of the freaking day. Once I do, I instantly regret it.

In my dreams, Leo has died so many different ways I feel like I die, too, when he does. And today's nightmare is the worst.

I'm fighting the Shredder, winning. I'm fighting for Leo and Sensei, avenging them. Shredder is open for the kill. I take it. Right as my Sai pierces that evil man's heart; my big brother appears in his place and dies by my hand. I have to stare into his dead eyes and scream.

And that's how I wake up. Screaming. Everybody is used to that by now, my screaming. Everybody avoids me when I sleep now and I don't blame them. I would avoid me to if I saw myself like this.

As I calm down, I hear the sound of music. I listen for a moment. I hate the song the moment it begins.

 _ **You're not alone  
Together we stand  
I'll be by your side  
You know I'll take your hand**_

"MIKEY!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

"What?" He calls back from the kitchen.

"What did I tell you about leaving this radio on!?"

He's quite for a moment. Then I hear the back door slam and I know that he is on the run.

I hate music now. I'm always scared that Leo's favorite song will come on. Knowing he can't sing or dance to it seems to snap something in me. When it first came on after the invasion, Donnie said I had a total meltdown. I don't remember it, but he says that I screamed at anyone who would look at me. He said Mikey tried to calm me down in a sing song voice, but I tried to attack him, screaming and crying that Leo was the only one that could sing. He said he had to come in, turn the radio off and lead me to my room to lie down. Don also said I had a really bad migraine after that.

I get up and march over to that black radio. I grab the on/off dial…then just stand there. It's like I can't make myself turn it off. It's already to the second verse and Leo is creeping into my mind as the song goes on.

 _ **So far away  
I wish you were here  
Before it's too late  
This could all disappear**_

 _ **Before the doors close  
And it comes to an end  
With you by my side, I will fight and defend  
I'll fight and defend  
Yeah, yeah**_

 _ **Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you  
I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through  
We'll make it through**_

 _Click_.

My fingers finally twitch to turn the radio off. I stand in silence, letting the memories of Leo flow over me. Ones of our childhood, ones of our fights. I see his bright blue eyes shatter as he flies through a window, bleeding, barley breathing. His heart was barley holding onto life.

"Raph," Casey's voice brings me back to reality. I turn around, ready to try and joke with my friend. Instead, all I can see is a black blur as I realize… I'm crying. I can't let Casey see me like this.

My voice cracks as I say," I'm going for a walk."

Casey doesn't fallow me. Nobody does. They know I need to be alone.

* * *

When I get my hands on Shredder, I will kill him. Leo doesn't deserve anything he got. Why do such good people have to be put in such horrendous situations?

I can hear Mikey screaming back in the chicken coop. The chickens don't like him. He's probably being mobbed by a rally of chickens at this moment.

Slowly, the sounds of Mikey fade away and are replaced by the whistling wind and crunch of leaves. The land is recovering from our small winter. Leo is missing his favorite season, spring. It's still cold though. Leo always like the cold. I always thought he was crazy. But he's not. The cold makes you numb, blocks out the pain. And Leo had plenty of crap to block out.

The forest slowly starts to grow denser. None of us have gone this far into the forest. I guess I will be the first. The ground slopes upward so I have to climb. The cold nips at my bare skin. I can tell its getting colder. The sun is going down.

I remember when we were driving up here that Mikey sang. He sings when he's upset. I always thought that was a weird tick of his. Maybe he just does it so he can comfort himself when Leo isn't around. I wonder if it works…

I decide to sing. The last time I sang was when we all turned eight. I sang with Leo. He has such a beautiful voice. I wish I could hear it now.

 _ **Leo can you hear the devil drawing near  
Like a bullet from a gun, run Leo run**_

I wish he could hear me. I wish he heard me when he was ambushed. Then maybe he wouldn't have been hurt. But all the wishing in the world cannot change what has happened.

 _ **All those songs you used to sing to me  
Would rock us to sleep  
I need you now so please somehow  
Put rockets on your feet **_

_**Leo can you hear the devil drawing near  
Like a bullet from a gun, run Leo run**_

My voice squeaks as I try to sing the next verse. This hurts. I just had to change the lyrics to this song, didn't I.

 _ **Saw those shining claws from a million miles away  
Oh how I've dreaded this God forsaken day **_

_**Leo can you hear the devil drawing near  
Like a bullet from a gun, run Leo run**_

 _ **Donnie's been crying in the barn  
Mikey's been afraid of the dark  
I've been gathering the pieces of our broken family  
And I don't care where you go to  
And I don't care what you say but  
Just get out of there Leo as fast as you can**_

 _ **Leo can you hear the devil drawing near  
Like a bullet from a gun, run Leo run**_

"Run, Leo, run…" By the time I stop singing, I'm at the top of the hill. The wind blows in my ears as I begin to talk again, "I want you back, Leo. Why can't you wake up. I miss you. I just…wish…I just…" My knees buckle and I find myself face first in the ground. I run my fingers through the grass sniffing," I'm so sorry, Leo. I should have been with you…If I close my eyes, Leo, will you wake up? You don't have to do anything. I just want to see your eyes, hear your voice. I want you here with me. Please…"

My eyes wander to the setting sun. Splashes of blues, pinks and yellows color the sky. Leo would have thought this was beautiful. Oh, Leo, I wish you could see this. I whisper his name as the wind blows by, and it's like that word is taken to the wind back to the farm house. Maybe he could hear me if I whisper. Or, maybe he can't.

After I say that, I hiccup till I stop crying. But I feel better…like a warm feeling is embracing me, comforting me.

And that's where I stay for the rest of the night.

* * *

 _We sit watching the sunset that I swear I just saw. He sits there, bandana blowing in the wind. His eyes are bright and alive._

 _"You're awake," I say. Leo looks at me, his eyes piercing._

 _"You woke me, you know," he says._

 _"Will you stay awake?"_

 _"It is not my choice. But…" Leo stands and I watch as white wings spread and glow in the falling sun._

 _He's an angel. A pure, handsome angel. "Remember, Raph, I'm always with you. And I love you."_

 _My heart jumps as Leo fly's into the sky. I jump up to run after him. But Leo fly's higher and higher, a big smile on his face._

 _That image is forever engraved in my mind._

* * *

My body is all wet and I'm shivering. My eyes open to see the sun glowing over me.

Sunrise. I slept out here all night dreaming…dreaming! No nightmares! And Leo didn't die! He was an angel! An angel…

As I stand, more tears start down my face. Man, when did I turn into such a baby?

"Raph! Raphie! Raph!" I hear in the distance. I recognize my friend's voices and the worry in them but it doesn't affect me. What's the pint of going back if Leo will never wake up?

 _I need you, too, Raphael._

My heart pounds. I know it's just that voice in my head but I hear Leo talk to me. That voice of his carry's me into a stride back to the farm house, then a sprint. Maybe he can hear me! Maybe he's found a way to talk to me! Or maybe… he's gone.

I fell sick as I crash through the trees into the clearing. I ignore Mikey, Casey and April as I sprint into the farmhouse, up the stairs and into the bathroom.

I see Donnie, pale and feeling Leo's pulse. His hands are shaking. Something in me snaps. A sob breaks through me the same time I become the mutant turtle vomit hose.

* * *

Leo's P.O.V.

You'd think hearing somebody puke would make you sick, too. I guess that's an upside to a coma. You never feel sick.

Donnie makes it clear who is puking. "Raph! Raph, where were you? Why are you sick?"

Nice question genius.

"What does it matter?" Raph groans, his sob hissing through his teeth. "I should go poison myself! Then I can be with Leo!"

"Raph, what is your problem-"

"It is my fault! It's my entire fault, Donnie! If I hadn't been out vandalizing buildings and fighting the Kraang, Leo would be okay! I should have been with him! I… I should have been there!"

Raph suddenly shuts up. I listen in carefully as Donnie soothes him," Raph, Leo wouldn't want you scaring yourself and us like this. He's still here. He hears you-"

"How can you be so sure!? How do you know he's not lost form us forever!? What if he can't hear us!? What if…"

My heart hurts as I pound against the wall. I have to get to Raph! He has to know I'm here. That I love him as much as he loves me! But the wall seems to push me back and I want to cry.

 _Shell, I love you, Raph. You got to know I'm trying! I'm trying so hard!_

I hear footsteps near me. They stop abruptly and I wonder what's happened.

"Raph," Donnie whispers," Raph, get over here."

"What?" Raph sniffs," is he breathing? Please, tell me he's still breathing."

"Of course he is, Raph, but look. Look!"

I wonder what I did. I don't feel anything. I don't see anything. Raph cheers and whoops and hollers. Now I know what's going on. I push back to the wall as Raph screeches," HE'S CRYING! DONNIE, HE CAN HEAR US! HE'S REALLY CRYING! He can hear me! He can hear ME!"

"Yes!" Donnie cries joyfully. Both he and Raph are crying, "Yes…"

There's a crack! A small crack, but a crack! I have to fight! Raph, Donnie, my family, they're in reach!

"Oh, Leo!" Raph is still yelling as I pound and kick at the wall. "Leo! I love you so much!"

"I love you, too, Raph!" I yell," I love you, too!"

Donnie is gone it seems. I don't hear him. Then Raph whispers into my ear," I know you hear me. And I know you love me. I can sense it… I can hear it."

I cheer. Raph knows. I got to him. He heard me through the wall. Raph, I'm coming back. I know you're impatient and you may give up on me again, but I will make it back to you. I'll keep holding on…

For you.

For everyone.

 **A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed this story. And I would love to hear your opinion on if I should keep this as a one-shot or not. So please review! And again, thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I never thought that this small story would turn into a two shot. Thanks for your support and for all who said to keep going. So I hope you like this chapter. I just might have to drag this out to be three chapters instead of two. Also, I switched Within the Woods to my own version to fit the story. But I don't own the original. Period. Oh, and sorry it took so long to write it. My fault :)**

 **Chapter 2**

Leo's P.O.V.

You remember that crack. It's extremely big now. But the hole is like a portal. It allows me to come in and out of my body as if it's a house. I believe it's a type of freedom. A freedom that is scary and a freedom I don't want. I feel like I'm dying and I don't like it. Every time I leave my body, fear overwhelms me. What if I die? What if I pass on to the next life? I don't want to leave my family just yet. Maybe that's why I'm still in my coma.

My eyes are opening. I'm outside my body again. Every time I go out of my body, I end up next to the one I want to see the most. But that includes a certain distance, so if the one I want to see goes to the store, I can't see them. Lately, that's been Raph and Donnie. So I end up in a barn or in the bathroom of what my family calls the Farmhouse. I wander around while I can and watch my family from a far. April's a good drawer. Chickens don't like Mikey. Donnie and Casey argue a lot. Raph barley ever eats or sleeps. I'm worried for my family. But I'm mostly concerned for Sensei. Where is he? I can't find him. I want to know why we're all out in this place. But no one will give answers to a guy in a coma.

Today I wake up by a tree. I would have thought it odd if my brothers and friends weren't training in front of my eyes. Donnie and Casey are fighting while I laugh when Raph gets punched in the jaw by April. He's lacking in his skill.

April yells at Donnie and Casey. Raph tells her that turtles don't live in a farmhouse and Donnie corrects him. When I hear the words 'Master Splinter' come up, I really listen in.

"Yeah, and as Master Splinter would say," Mikey claims," We must accept the hand that the universe has dealt us."

"Whoa," Casey says in awe," that's deep, bro."

"Master Splinters gone, Mikey," Raph hisses, earning my attention. "And Leo may never wake up. The universe dealt us a terrible hand."

Raph marches back into the house, everyone watching him go. His words echo in my mind. _Splinters gone, Leo may never wake up._

 _Splinters gone…_

What happened?! Where is my father!? I need my father!

I can't breathe. It feels like there's a big bubble in my lungs, stopping me from breathing. I'm crying tearlessly but I know my body will be shedding a few salty drops. And on top of that, my brother has started to believe that I won't ever wake up _again!_

My spirit body slides down the tree to its roots. It feels like hours as I sit there, looking at stars filling the day sky. It's strange but a very beautiful sight. Eventually, I stand as night falls. I blink and I'm next to Raphael. He's asleep in his bed. I can tell he's having a nightmare again. I feel my heart hurt for him, so I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his head and then whisper into his ear," Raphie, wake up."

* * *

Raph's P.O.V.

Leo's eyes abandon their gaze on mine as he turns away from me.

"Leo," I say, calling to him," Leo, where are you going?"

"You know where I'm going," Leo reply's," I'm going to see father."

"But…Fathers dead." I say.

"I know." Leo says," Why do you think I'm going to visit him? You didn't save us, Raph. What choice do we have but to abandon you?"

"No, Leo," I groan reaching out to him, but he won't look at me, he won't stop. "Leo, don't you dare leave me! Leo, don't go! Leo, please! LEO!"

But he ignores me. Leo keeps on walking as if I, as if any of us, didn't exist. As if we don't matter.

"Leo," I sob, "Don't leave me! Don't go!"

 _Raphie, wake up._

Leo!

I jerk up in my bed, my eyes straining to find Leo in the dark, my memory coming back, showing that it was just a nightmare. My head and shoulder are cold but not ice cold. Just…a cool warmth. Kinda the way Leo's skin feels in this coma of his. My heart jumps as I call softly, "Leo."

No answer.

"Leo," I call again, even though I already know there will be no answer. My heart has dropped once more. So I head for the bathroom.

I wish I could apologize to Leo, for everything I've done. I want to thank him yet yell at him for almost dying for us. But it's too late. Leo's gone. Leo save us, saved me, dozens of times. How many times have I saved him? It feels like none. I'm a killer. Murderer is the exact word for me.

I murdered my brother.

All I really wanted was to be enough for Leo. And as I now sit beside Leo, I realize that I always wanted him to need me as much as I need him. But…that can't be possible anymore.

I listen to Mikey's TV show blare downstairs, and I wonder if I'll ever be that happy again. Maybe I will be after I get rid of Shredder. After I avenge the ones I love most. After I can be sure they can rest in peace.

I look at Leo, ignoring the sting in the back of my eyes.

 _Just a word._

 _Just a twitch._

 _Just a flicker of an eyelid._

 _Anything._

 _Do anything._

 _If just for a moment, love me again._

I sigh and stand. I go to Leo's side and gently bring his head into my arms. I hug him to my chest and whisper," Miss you," my lips brushing his forehead.

I put his head gently back down. And that's when I see a twitch in the water.

* * *

Leo's P.O.V.

I can't get out of my body this time. It's like I'm glued in. I try to move but things are heavier. My mind is clearing up. Raph's voice is calling to me.

"Leo! Leo, can you hear me? Leo!"

My body feels like I was hit by two ginormous buses. Raph's voice echoes through my pounding head. He sounds excited yet…scared. Worried.

Wait…my heads pounding. My body hurts. I'm waking up!

"Leo, open your eyes. If you can hear me, do it. We've missed you, bro."

I try to open my eyes but all that comes out is a puff of air that forms Raph's name.

"LEO! Come on, wake up!" He grabs my shoulders and shakes me. My head spins, then my body stiffens and pain shocks me.

Slowly Raph comes into view. His face breaks into relief. "You're alive!" He cries, crushing me into an embrace. "You're okay. Thank you, God, thank you!"

As I try to pull away, Raph calls, "Guys! Guys, get up here!"

Then I hear the pounding of feet.

* * *

My head is still spinning but not form pain. I've learned so much in the past two hours that my brain feel like it's going to explode. Splinters gone, my leg is lame, I've been out for three months, Donnie's medicine sucks.

I gotta stop thinking. I need to meditate. I need to sleep because Donnie told me to. But I've been sleeping for the past three months. I don't want to sleep. I sigh and turn on my side, holding in a groan as my leg throbs.

I don't believe Sensei is gone. I really don't. He wouldn't leave. He can't-

An arm suddenly falls around me. I jump, the image of Shredders claws descending on me filling my brain. I let out a small yelp and the arm jerks back.

"Leo, what's wrong?"

I turn, ignoring the pain and stare at my little brother. His green eyes shine in the moon light. I say nothing, just stare at him.

"I thought you were asleep," Raph says.

I reply," You scared me. I thought you were the Shredder."

Raph's eyes flicker from worry to anger, "That monster will never hurt you again, Leo. Not while I'm alive. I'm sorry I scared you."

"You? Sorry?" I say. Raph nods slowly, keeping his eyes locked on mine. "Why are you here? Specifically in my bed."

I think Raph blushes but I don't point it out. "I…um…just wanted to be sure you were okay. I just wanted to…um…be close…to…um…you, you know. How are you?"

"Raph," I say slowly, turning painfully onto my other side so I can see him better. "I'm okay. Look…I know you don't think I'm doing well. I know you're worried but I'm good. You know, I'm glad I was in my coma."

Raph's eyes bulge out of his head. He struggles to say something but I stop him. "Trials change us for the better, Raph. There's' always a reason bad things happen to us. Raph, what's happened to our family has happened for a reason." Somehow I know Raph needs to know all that I am saying.

Raph scrunches up his mouth angrily," Then why were you put in a coma and Sensei killed. Tell me why everything I love was taken away from me!"

My gaze remains steady on him. I shrug. Raph's frown deepens, his gaze shaking. "This isn't fair. Life isn't fair to us."

I withhold a groan,"Bro, are you not listening to me? Life has never been fair. If it was, no good man would die young. No young child would get cancer and there would be no still-borns. But life _isn't_ fair. It's cruel but worth living. It's…Raph, are you crying?"

Raph nods to my surprise, "You almost died young. Leo. I was so scared. I couldn't save you, help you. I failed you and-"

" _But,"_ I break in," Life gave me a second chance. It made things fair if only once."

Raph lays down next to me, curls into me, making us both warm. I whisper into his ear," I'm proud of you, you know that, right?"

Raph looks up at me, smiling, tears shining brighter than his eyes, "And you know I love you, right?"

I smile and chuckle," Of course I do, bro. Of course I do."

"Then I know you're proud of me, too."

After that, we just stare at each other. I am marveling over the features Raph has that resemble mine. I think he's memorizing me so if I disappear, he'll remember me. That's the last thing I remember before falling into a new oblivion. An oblivion where I know that I am truly and promisingly safe.

* * *

Raph's P.O.V.

My eyes open. The sunlight is glowing through the room. I try to stretch but my hand hits something hard. Then everything comes back to me from last night.

My big brother finally woke up! I almost scream in victory at the idea. My mouth hurts form smiling so much. If only Splinter were here to join in our joy…

Leo's breath reaches my ear. It sounds like he's hyperventilating. I sit up and stare at my big brother. My ani's hand is gripped around the pillow. He's shaking. Leos' having a nightmare. That is unacceptable!

"Leo!" I yell, shaking him," Leo, wake up! Nightmare are not for you! Only for me! Wake up, you dork!"

TWACK!

I'm one to hit people in my sleep. Leo isn't. But as Leo's eyes whip open, he sees me, and punches me square in the beak. I yelp and fall backwards off the bed. Leo is screaming his head off about Shredder and death. Seconds later, I hear him fall off the bed, too. It must knock him to his senses cause a few seconds later, he's saying," Raph, where are you? What happened?"

"Leo," I gulp, sounding nasality due to my holding my nose," for somebody who's' been I a coma for three months, you sure have one shell of a punch."

There's a pause, then he says,"…really?"

I laugh at the way he says it. It feels so good to laugh again. Now that Leo's wake, I feel like I can just be happy for the rest of forever.

I look up at the sun, then say," Leo, let's go train. Come on. I'll help you get ready."

* * *

 **That night…**

I stand next to Donnie and Leo, watching as Donnie studies Leo for any sickness.

"You hurt him," I hiss under my breath, thinking back to how Leo collapsed at the river side, puking up his medicine.

Donnie looks up at me, then back at Leo," I didn't hurt him. Some people's bodies don't agree with certain medicines, Raph."

"You made the medicine, Donnie-"

"Raph, let it go." Leo suddenly says.

I just look at him for a moment, then say," But, Leo-"

"I said let. It. Go."

I'm starting to worry a lot now. Leo is acting funny. He's acting… hopeless. Like he was back at the river with that 'never gonna be the same again' talk. And he looks so sad. It's like he's having weird mood swings. One minute he's happy, the next he's' angry at the world.

"You're fine, Leo," Donnie says, "You just need to relax, train when you feel a little better."

"Thanks, Don, "Leo mumbles. Donnie nods, then leaves, going to the kitchen to probably argue with everybody else.

I look down at Leo, happy we're finally alone. I need to say something.

"Leo," I start slowly," are you sure you're okay?"

Leo looks up at me, "I don't think you're understanding that I'm not perfect anymore, Raph."

That pulls me up short, "Leo, what do you mean?"

"Raph, whatever was in me that made me quote 'perfect' is gone. I'm just…different now."

"I never said you were perfect."

"Yes you did."

"When?!"

"When I was first in my coma. I heard you. I heard every single thing you said."

I pale. Most of the things I said we're kind, we're good to us and the whole family. But, a few days after Leo first got into his coma, I started yelling and crying that Leo was the universes perfect son. That he was just so perfect and that I hated him for being that way. I thought the universe took Splinter way because Leo go himself in a coma. It was a punishment. Later, I realized it was a stupid idea.

"Leo, I didn't mean a thing then. I love you and know that you aren't perfect. You being gone for three months showed me that."

Leo shuffles a little. "I know that, Raph. It's just…I'm scared that I can't do things anymore. That I can't ever be your brother again. Not that I was good enough in the first place."

That take me, again, by surprise. "You were too good enough. You were the best brother a turtle could have. I'm the one who was never good enough."

"Raph, you were the greatest-"

"No, I wasn't! I treated all of you like crap and I deserve losing you! I just felt that nobody understands me!"

"I TRIED!" Leo suddenly yells. I pause. Leo's chest trembles as he breaths deeply. He sighs. "I tried with all my being, Raph. And…and I couldn't, I _can't,_ live like this anymore."

Leo stands, wobbling till he gets his crutch, then starts to walk away from me…just like in my nightmare.

"Leo, I-"I reach for him, but he jerks way from my touch.

"Don't touch me! Don't talk to me! I'm tired of hearing how everything you have isn't good enough! Including me…I'm sorry, Raph. But…I need some air."

Leo limps his way out of the farmhouse. I watch him go before following him, "Leo…"

That's when Donnie appears. He must have been listening to us. He presses his palm to my chest, stopping me.

"Get out of my way, Donnie," I hiss.

"Raph, you've been suffocating him since he woke up. Give him a little time to think."

"You don't understand-"

"Maybe I don't, Raph. I know you and Leo, you're closer than brothers should be, but sometimes, you two need to have space for other things. Leo needs that space now. Give him time. He'll come back around, just like you did."

With that, Donnie leave me, just like Leo did.

All alone.

* * *

Leo's P.O.V.

None of this is Raph's fault. I guess now I know how he feels. Being frustrated all the time, but not being able to show how he really feels.

I really hate it. No wonder he's the way he is.

I wander my way back to that stream Raph took me to earlier. It feels good to breathe fresh air, to feel cold, to feel _everything._ I look up to the stars, and see the constellations of Orion. I twist around looking for the constellation Leo. Universes perfect child. Hm?

Leo the lion. Raphael the archangel. At least he's a person not a lump of stars. But I guess he sees it the opposite way I do. People see me. People only believe in him.

Shell, I wish I could climb. Then I'd climb these trees so I could hide and watch those stars till the sun is climbing the sky.

There's something behind me.

I twist around, careful not to twist so much that I hurt something.

The moonlight exposes nothing new. Except, maybe, that tree that's exactly across the stream.

I stare at it, waiting for something to happen. That thing knows that I won't give up soon either.

So it opens its eyes, then growls at me.

* * *

Raph's P.O.V.

I'm staring at the fire, listening to Mikeys' stupid show when it blows out. I blink, not fully comprehending what happened. Then the power goes out.

"No!" Mikey howls.  
"Donnie," Casey shrieks, "You said you fixed the power!"

"I told you its weak! I'll have to go repair it again because people don't know how to turn off lights!"

"Guys," I call," I'm going to collect more firewood."

"Kay."

I start to leave when Donnie calls after me," Raph, don't bug Leo. Let him be."

I flinch. "Donnie, do me a favor and stop being Leo. I prefer him knowing my motive instead of you. It doesn't freak me out as much."

Donnie hmps, then I leave. I'm tired of it being cold. Leo's cold, the airs cold, I'm cold. I look around for Leo, but he's' nowhere that I can see.

"Leo…" I call out, feeling de ja vu by the word.

I near the hatchet and the blocks of wood, the n sigh. Leo would be great company right about now. But I continue anyway.

The hatchet is heavy in my hands as I put block after block on the stump. I'm going through these like lightning. My eyes linger up to the starts. Leo the lion. Son of the sky. Leo. Brother to me.

Shell, I'm depressed. What a way to live.

I remember something Leo told me about the constellations. In ancient Greece and Rome, the meteors, the Leonidas, were thought of as messengers or angels sent form the heaves, Angels…me the archangel, him the deliverer of celestial beings. I smile. Makes sense in my mind.

I pick up another log and get ready to split it.

"AAARRRGH!"

I drop the hatchet behind me, almost cutting my thighs. Even though Leo's voice is different, it doesn't mean I don't recognize his screams.

"LEO!" I yell, sprinting into the forest. As I near the steam Leo and I came to earlier today, I hear another yell and a splash.

"LEO!"

I break through the trees as I see Leo dragging himself out of the creek. Feet away is the ugliest monster I've ever seen. It's all green and leafy. A vine snaps out and wraps around Leo's injured leg. It pulls him up into the air, his yell following him all the way.

With his scream knocking around in my head, I let out a battle cry, jump high in the air, then stab my twin sai's into the monster shoulders.

It roars, dropping Leo back into the creek. I smile with victory. But it falters when the monsters head twists 180 degrees to look at me.

This ting is fat. The minute its sees me, it wraps its think vines around my neck. I gasp as it yanks me off it and holds me feet above the ground. The world is going fuzzy form the lack of air. The monster is about to throw me into the ground when it howls in pain once more.

I'm barley able to look down to see Leo stabbing his crutch into the monster.

He can't take both of us at the same time. Sweet.

Again, that idea falters when more vines wrap around Leo's wrists. It takes one of my Sia's form me, then pints it down at Leo's chest.

"No!" I howl, taking my other sai,then jabbing it in the creeps eye. He lets both of us go. I fall to the ground with a thud. I immediately jump up and shove Leo.

"Go! Get out of here, Leo! I can handle this!"

"No! I'm not leaving you!"

Instead of arguing, I puck Leo up off the ground, then use all my strength to throw him across the steam," Go, you dork!" I howl, then turn back to the creep.

It looks at me angrily, taking the crutch out of itself. It uses my Sai's as its weapons now. I'm empty handed, but won't back down.

I get into position, growling, "You'll never harm my family as long as I'm alive."

The monsters eyes flash, as if he understand what I'm saying. With a roar, he stretches out to kill me with my own weapons.

 _THUD!_

Something hits me from the side, taking me to the ground. I look up right as my Sia hits Leos' shoulder. The monster cries out in surprise. But my yell is louder.

"WHAT THE SHELL ARE YOU DOING!?"

Leo ignores me and whatever pain he has, and lunges at the creep, Katana at the ready. The creep fights back with my Sai. When Leo twists I see a long cut on his shoulder. "LEO, STOP!" I yell, getting to my feet.

Leo glances at me, then says in a low voice," I could be just like you."

 _Just like me._ "WHAT!?"

Leo jumps once more at the creep. Right as his katana cuts through the right arm, the left arm swings like a baseball bat. There's a loud crack and Leo fly's across the stream and into a tree head first. His body fall limp like a doll. Seeing him limp make me scream as loud as I can, and it makes the creep scream, too.

That's when back up finally shows up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The last thing I remember is my eyes rolling into the back of my head after hitting the tree. I can hear Raph and Donnie voice going in and out," Why!? You idiot! You jerk! Not you again! Why?!"

"Raph, stop…"

"It's my fault! IT'S MY FAULT!"

Then I'm alone. It's cold. It's quiet. I don't like it. I want to wake up. I'm in a coma again, I know it. How long am I going to be like this again? Four months? Seven? A year!? Forever!

I think about what I said to Raph. I could be just like you. I remember think that if I had been like Raph, I'd never have gotten into a coma in the first place! I would have been able to win. I thought maybe if I could be like Raph, I'd be _perfect_.

But…I wasn't.

Slowly, pain comes back to me, a throbbing pain in my head, shoulder and leg. There's also a sting on my cheek. As I open my eyes, Donnie, Mikey and April come into view.

Mikey smiles when he sees me, "It's about time you woke up, bro. You've been out for three days."

Three days! That isn't long at all!

I try to sit up but a shock through my leg forces a scream out of me and I flop back down.

"Easy, Leo," April whispers, "your legs broken. Don't hurt it more."

"Wha…what?" I say.

Donnie gives me my diagnostic. "Well, Leo, you have a broken leg. You also have a concussion and a stab wound. All of that caused you to have a mini-coma. Raph…he…uh…he didn't take it well…"

"So now you've got a giant hand on the side of your face, dude!" Mikey laughs.

April shrugs," Raph sat on you for a few minutes and slapped you till…well…you'll see the hand when you look in the mirror."

I nod, taking in the info. I open my mouth to talk when Mikey suddenly yells," Hey, Raph, what's up?"

The screen door slams shut, then Raph growls," Mikey, what are you…is he awake!?"

Suddenly Donnie is pushed out of my view as Raph leans over me. His eyes are fiery as ever. Then he slaps me. White light flashes across my vision. I yell.

"Raph, I don't think that was wise-"

Donnie is cut off as Raph roars "WHY? I told you to run! I told you! I told you! I told you! And what do you do!? You manage to get yourself in another freakin' COMA!"

I manage to say, "Raph, just calm down-"

"CALM DOWN!" He seethes, shaking me harshly," CALM DOWN! I'LL CALM DOWN WHEN YOU STOP TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF! I'LL CALM DOWN WHEN YOU STOP TRYING TO LEAVE ME! I'LL CALM DOWN WHEN YOU STOP… when you stop…"

Raph grips my plastron so tight, I think it might shatter. He's breathing heavily, refusing to meet my gaze.

By now, April and Donnie have dragged Mikey away to the kitchen so we can have some time alone. Once their gone, I try to sit up again. I say," Raph, Raph, look at me."

He shakes his head, "No. I failed you, Leo. My job was to protect you and I failed! I failed so many times…"

"Good grief, Raphael," I reply, "Quit beating yourself up. I'm the one being stupid, not you."

Raph clunks his head against my chest," We're both being stupid."

We say no more after that. Raph and I just sit there, listening to the murmuring voices in the kitchen. I think we would have sat there forever if I hadn't started drifting to sleep.

"Raph…lets go to bed."

He looks up at me with glassy eyes, but he smiles. "Okay. I'll carry ya."

I blink. Raph stands, popping his back."Um…Raph, I can walk."

Raph rolls his eyes," Oh, yes, I forgot about your little wood crutch that only God knows where it went."

I stare at him, agape, "You _lost_ my crutch."

"We didn't think you needed it anymore."

 _Bull_! My eyes narrow. "You lost it on purpose, didn't you?"

"Oh, blow it out you rear, Leonardo," Raph says with a laugh. As he bends back so he can give me a piggy back ride, he says, "Leo… what did you mean when you said you could be just like me?"

I frown," Well, I guess I thought if I was more like you, I wouldn't get as hurt as much. I wouldn't be a failure."

"Don't be me, Leo. You're the greatest person I know. If you weren't the way you were, your world would probably be destroyed by the time we're twenty. You're great the way you are."

I smile, but don't say anything.

As he walks, I scrunch up my face as the strong smell of sweat fills my nostrils," Ugh, Raph, when did you last _bathe_!?"

"Last night, thank you," Raph growls.

I snort," Then what have you done since then to make yourself smell like this?"

"Shut up, Leo. Deal with the smell or be dropped."

"You wouldn't do that."

"Oh, and why not?"

"Because you love me too much, ototo," I reply.

Raph chuckles," So, I _love_ you too much."

"Um –hm."

By now we're walking up the stairs. Raph stops on the fifth stair. Before I can ask what he's doing, Raphael lets go of my legs. A yell escapes me as I feel nothing beneath me and Raph tipping backwards. He laughs as he jerks me backup so I'm clutching his plastron. He ascends once more.

"SHELL YOU, YOU HOTHEAD!" I scream, pounding on his muscle-tight shoulder.

He laughs even harder," Love you too, my ani."

After a moment, I say," Raph, whatever happened to that monster?"

"Donnie caught it and turned it into swamp goo. But that was after it tried to kidnap April."

"Oh," I whisper. I'm shivering, tired and yet really warm. Raph is saying something but I don't catch it. I lay my cheek on the back of his sweaty neck and fall into a warm sleep.

I feel like I've been asleep for only a few seconds when my eyes open again. The sun is up and shining on everything in the room. Raph is lying next to me, looking at me. His green eyes are illuminated in the sunlight.

Shell, I feel sick.

Raph smiles weakly," Hey."

"Why do I feel sick?" I groan for a moment.

He stretches out his hand. I hold it loosely in mine, "You got a temperature."

I lay there, quiet. I feel so tired…I can…barley…think…

"I…um…I love you." Raph stutters suddenly. He seems far away.

"I know." I whisper.

We lay there, just to the two of us. I can't tell if I'm holding Raph's hand or if he's holding mine. Finally, I close my eyes, Raph's face glued to my eyelids. I fall back to my warm oblivion.

* * *

Raph's P.O.V.

I watch Leo sleep with interest. He's all sweaty. His hand is burning mine. After all these years, I finally get a peek into Leo's mind. And I don't like what I saw. I just hope I fixed it so Leo and I don't go over so many bumps anymore, and so he doesn't want to be me.

Leo has nosedived into pneumonia. He got it from falling in the cold stream. Last night he broke into a 103 degree fever right on my back.

I don't care if I get sick. I've heard of people who die from pneumonia. I'm staying with Leo till he gets better. And he will. Get. Better.

I can't help but smile as I look at Leo. Once he's healed we can go home. We can take back what is ours. We can get back to our lives.

Keep holding one, New York, City, because, we're coming home!


	4. Playlist

**A/N: This is just a little something I like to do with my stories. It makes them lively. Enjoy and thank you for your support and love of Keep Holding On. You're the best. :)**

 **Playlist for Keep Holding On**

 **1. Not Gonna Die by Skillet**

This thing is fast. The minute its sees me, it wraps its think vines around my neck. I gasp as it yanks me off it and holds me feet above the ground. The world is going fuzzy form the lack of air. The monster is about to throw me into the ground when it howls in pain once more.

I'm barley able to look down to see Leo stabbing his crutch into the monster.

He can't take both of us at the same time. Sweet.

Again, that idea falters when more vines wrap around Leo's wrists. It takes one of my Sia's form me, then pints it down at Leo's chest.

"No!" I howl, taking my other sai, then jabbing it in the creep's eye. He lets both of us go. I fall to the ground with a thud. I immediately jump up and shove Leo.

"Go! Get out of here, Leo! I can handle this!"

"No! I'm not leaving you!"

 **2. Would it Matter by Skillet**

"I TRIED!" Leo suddenly yells. I pause. Leo's chest trembles as he breaths deeply. He sighs. "I tried with all my being, Raph. And…and I couldn't, I can't, live like this anymore."

Leo stands, wobbling till he gets his crutch, then starts to walk away from me…just like in my nightmare.

"Leo, I-"I reach for him, but he jerks way from my touch.

"Don't touch me! Don't talk to me! I'm tired of hearing how everything you have isn't good enough! Including me…I'm sorry, Raph. But…I need some air."

 **3. Illusion by VNV Nation**

Raphie, wake up.

Leo!

I jerk up in my bed, my eyes straining to find Leo in the dark, my memory coming back, showing that it was just a nightmare. My head and shoulder are cold but not ice cold. Just…a cool warmth. Kinda the way Leo's skin feels in this coma of his. My heart jumps as I call softly, "Leo."

No answer.

"Leo," I call again, even though I already know there will be no answer. My heart has dropped once more. So I head for the bathroom

 **4. Always by Kill switch Engage**

 _You're awake," I say. Leo looks at me, his eyes piercing._

 _"You woke me, you know," he says._

 _"Will you stay awake?"_

 _"It is not my choice. But…" Leo stands and I watch as white wings spread and glow in the falling sun._

 _He's an angel. A pure, handsome angel. "Remember, Raph, I'm always with you. And I love you."_

 _My heart jumps as Leo fly's into the sky. I jump up to run after him. But Leo fly's higher and higher, a big smile on his face._

 _That image is forever engraved in my mind._

 **5. Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park**

You remember that crack. It's extremely big now. But the hole is like a portal. It allows me to come in and out of my body as if it's a house. I believe it's a type of freedom. A freedom that is scary and a freedom I don't want. I feel like I'm dying and I don't like it. Every time I leave my body, fear overwhelms me. What if I die? What if I pass on to the next life? I don't want to leave my family just yet. Maybe that's why I'm still in my coma

 **6. Falling inside the black by Skillet**

I'm all alone. It's wrong that I am alone. I should see orange hugging me, purple with sparks and red screaming at me. Instead all I see is a wave of continuous darkness. It's like it has swallowed me.

I hear voices and struggle to them. They rarely speak to me. That almost makes me want to drown. But then one voice will start speaking to me and I will float so close to the surface but not above it. It's like a wall. I can hear the ones I love, but I can't see or respond. Where is Sensei? I know he would talk to me. Where is he? Why isn't he here with me…?

I'm sinking. I know I might not be coming back from this one. I know I'm dying, but in a way I can't die. Like somebody is keeping me here.

The darkness is growing so heavy. It's crushing me. I can't breathe…

 **7. Far Away by Nickleback**

I prefer being alone with Leo. I can talk to him freely. I sometimes almost tell him everything in my heart, even if he can't hear me.

But he has to hear me. Leo never tunes me out, even when I insult him.

I pleaded with him, though, and he still didn't wake up. What if he can't hear me? What if I'm just talking to an empty shell? That idea chokes me. I sincerely hope he can hear me.

 **8. I'm Coming Home by Skylar Grey**

I can't help but smile as I look at Leo. Once he's healed we can go home. We can take back what is ours. We can get back to our lives.

Keep holding one, New York, City, because, we're coming home!

 **9. Sad Song by We the Kings**

I look at Leo, ignoring the sting in the back of my eyes.

 _Just a word._

 _Just a twitch._

 _Just a flicker of an eyelid._

 _Anything._

 _Do anything._

 _If just for a moment, love me again_.

I sigh and stand. I go to Leo's side and gently bring his head into my arms. I hug him to my chest and whisper," Miss you," my lips brushing his forehead.

I put his head gently back down. And that's when I see a twitch in the water

 **10. Back to December by Taylor Swift**

"It is my fault! It's my entire fault, Donnie! If I hadn't been out vandalizing buildings and fighting the Kraang, Leo would be okay! I should have been with him! I… I should have been there!"

Raph suddenly shuts up. I listen in carefully as Donnie soothes him," Raph, Leo wouldn't want you scaring yourself and us like this. He's still here. He hears you-"

"How can you be so sure!? How do you know he's not lost form us forever!? What if he can't hear us!? What if…"

My heart hurts as I pound against the wall. I have to get to Raph! He has to know I'm here. That I love him as much as he loves me! But the wall seems to push me back and I want to cry.

 _Shell, I love you, Raph. You got to know I'm trying! I'm trying so hard_!

 **11. Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne**

I get up and march over to that black radio. I grab the on/off dial…then just stand there. It's like I can't make myself turn it off. It's already to the second verse and Leo is creeping into my mind as the song goes on.

So far away

I wish you were here

Before it's too late

This could all disappear

Before the doors close

And it comes to an end

With you by my side, I will fight and defend

I'll fight and defend

Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through

Just stay strong

'Cause you know I'm here for you

I'm here for you

There's nothing you could say

Nothing you could do

There's no other way when it comes to the truth

So keep holding on

'Cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through

 **12. Just Like You By Three Days Grace**

Leo glances at me, then says in a low voice," I could be just like you."

 _Just like me_. "WHAT!?"

 **13. See You Again Part 2 By Charlie Puth**

"Run, Leo, run…" By the time I stop singing, I'm at the top of the hill. The wind blows in my ears as I begin to talk again, "I want you back, Leo. Why can't you wake up. I miss you. I just…wish…I just…" My knees buckle and I find myself face first in the ground. I run my fingers through the grass sniffing," I'm so sorry, Leo. I should have been with you…If I close my eyes, Leo, will you wake up? You don't have to do anything. I just want to see your eyes, hear your voice. I want you here with me. Please…"

 **14. Glorious by David Archileta**

Raph's eyes bulge out of his head. He struggles to say something but I stop him. "Trials change us for the better, Raph. There's' always a reason bad things happen to us. Raph, what's happened to our family has happened for a reason." Somehow I know Raph needs to know all that I am saying.

Raph scrunches up his mouth angrily," Then why were you put in a coma and Sensei killed. Tell me why everything I love was taken away from me!"

My gaze remains steady on him. I shrug. Raph's frown deepens, his gaze shaking. "This isn't fair. Life isn't fair to us."

I withhold a groan,"Bro, are you not listening to me? Life has never been fair. If it was, no good man would die young. No young child would get cancer and there would be no still-borns. But life isn't fair. It's cruel but worth living. It's…Raph, are you crying?"

Raph nods to my surprise, "You almost died young. Leo. I was so scared. I couldn't save you, help you. I failed you and-"

"But," I break in," Life gave me a second chance. It made things fair if only once."

 **15. Goodnight by Evanescence**

After that, we just stare at each other. I am marveling over the features Raph has that resemble mine. I think he's memorizing me so if I disappear, he'll remember me. That's the last thing I remember before falling into a new oblivion. An oblivion where I know that I am truly and promisingly safe

 **A/N: Annnnd that's a rap. Three parts, awesome readers, what else could this story need. Thank you and goodnight everybody. ;)**


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